Moonlight musings
March 2015
"So why do you want to go into Finance anyway? That too MIT?", he asked.
"Well, I want to work on Wall Street. I want to have one of those Suits type penthouse where the elevator directly opens into your living room haha", I smiled and replied.
I wanted to rule Wall Street.
I want to be fucking successful and make my mom proud.
***
People live for themselves, period. I chose the path I chose because it made the most logical sense at the time. The dots only connect looking backwards, I know, but sometimes I feel I forced my dots to connect somehow. Most people don't have a clue what they are doing with their lives, it is only when they look back and try to forge a story out of events, a reason for their actions.
All my life, I've hated being "average". I'm okay being bad at things. I suck at painting - and I happily make self-deprecating jokes about myself on that. But I have a burning need to be better than my immediate surroundings. Call me whatever, but that's who I am.
I was better than my peers in primary school, high school, college.
I was better than my wing-mates in college.
I quit my first job because I outshone everyone else in my team and there was nothing left for me to learn.
I went to MIT. Do you know how many Indian women make it to MIT? Not many.
I had dreams of working in a hedge fund, commanding things. But I chickened out when it mattered the most, choosing the easy, stress-free, well paying and steady job here. I did not hustle. I underplayed my hand.
And when 5 years down the line, when my classmates would be dealing in millions, walking out of their penthouse apartments, I would be hiking and drinking whatever Silicon valley has deemed to be the cool hippie shit that year.
I'm just another techie in the Bay Area.
"So why do you want to go into Finance anyway? That too MIT?", he asked.
"Well, I want to work on Wall Street. I want to have one of those Suits type penthouse where the elevator directly opens into your living room haha", I smiled and replied.
I wanted to rule Wall Street.
I want to be fucking successful and make my mom proud.
***
People live for themselves, period. I chose the path I chose because it made the most logical sense at the time. The dots only connect looking backwards, I know, but sometimes I feel I forced my dots to connect somehow. Most people don't have a clue what they are doing with their lives, it is only when they look back and try to forge a story out of events, a reason for their actions.
All my life, I've hated being "average". I'm okay being bad at things. I suck at painting - and I happily make self-deprecating jokes about myself on that. But I have a burning need to be better than my immediate surroundings. Call me whatever, but that's who I am.
I was better than my peers in primary school, high school, college.
I was better than my wing-mates in college.
I quit my first job because I outshone everyone else in my team and there was nothing left for me to learn.
I went to MIT. Do you know how many Indian women make it to MIT? Not many.
I had dreams of working in a hedge fund, commanding things. But I chickened out when it mattered the most, choosing the easy, stress-free, well paying and steady job here. I did not hustle. I underplayed my hand.
And when 5 years down the line, when my classmates would be dealing in millions, walking out of their penthouse apartments, I would be hiking and drinking whatever Silicon valley has deemed to be the cool hippie shit that year.
I'm just another techie in the Bay Area.
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